Originally appeared on E! Online
Eminem’s ability to lose himself in his addiction prompted a major change.
In his new documentary “Stans,” the “Mockingbird” rapper reflected on his past habit of abusing prescription pills — including Vicodin, Valium, Ambien and Xanax — starting in the late ‘90s until around 2008, resulting in a dangerous health scare.
“I got into this vicious cycle of, ‘I’m depressed so I need more pills,’” Eminem said in the doc, per Us Weekly. “Then your tolerance gets so high that you end up overdosing. I woke up in the hospital and I didn’t know what happened. I woke up in the hospital with tubes in me and s— and I couldn’t get up, I wanted to move.”
The 52-year-old (real name Marshall Mathers) noted that when returned home, he felt like he “needed something” and that he was “gonna die” if he didn’t make a change.
Beyond the health scare, he was compelled to fight back against his addiction after missing the birthday party of his and ex Kim Scott’s daughter Hailie Jade, now 29.
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“I cried because it was like, ‘Oh my god, I missed that,’” Eminem continued. “I kept saying to myself, ‘Do you want to f——miss this again? Do you want to miss everything? If you can’t do it for yourself, you f—– p—-, at least do it for them.’”
As a result, he recalled, “I realized I’m never doing this again.”
While the “Lose Yourself” rapper has now been sober for 17 years, he explained that at the beginning of his journey he needed to “relearn how to walk, talk and for the most part had to relearn how to rap again.”
“My writing had gotten terrible,” he said in the doc. “When I started to get it back, it was exciting. Because I felt it. It would be conversations, just having conversations with people or the TV.”
Eminem — also dad to Alaina, 32, and Stevie, 32, with Kim — added, “It was hitting me really fast and I was writing songs really quickly.”
And while working on his 2009 album Relapse, which detailed his experience with sobriety, he felt empowered by his ability to leave his addiction behind.
“It did something. It turned the light on,” Eminem explained. “I realized I’m not embarrassed anymore about [sobriety]. I started treating sobriety like a superpower and I took pride in the fact that I was able to quit.”
Eminem is officially a grandfather. The music icon’s daughter, Hailie Jade, has given birth to her first child, a baby boy, and she announced the happy news with a sweet Instagram photo on April 4.
PHOTOS: Anne Hathaway
