“Type B” moms are taking over social media, in a trend that’s partly backlash against the perfect image of motherhood that dominates so much online content.
Katie Ziemer is a “go with the flow” mom — her kitchen junk drawer is bursting, her children play in the mud and that garbage bag full of old clothes in the foyer? She’ll donate it (someday).
“I’m not a super strict or structured person,” Ziemer, a stay-at-home mother of two, tells TODAY.com. “When I wake up in the morning, I don’t really know what we’re doing that day.”
In TikTok videos captioned, “Things I do as a Type B mom that would make Type A moms spiral,” parents are revealing their cluttered cars, low-battery phones and unread inboxes.
I’m Type B — of course my house doesn’t look like a museum.”
Katie Ziemer, Mom of Two
Unlike “Type A” moms who stereotypically live by spreadsheets, team snacks and schedules (yes, they’re on top of “School Spirit Week”), “Type B” moms are one beat behind: Late to the baseball game, delaying nap time and buying a birthday gift en route to the party.
“I’m Type B — of course my house doesn’t look like a museum,” Ziemer said in a TikTok video captioned, “Type B with ADHD.”
“I’m Type B,” said Ziemer in the video. “Of course, I bought a planner to be more organized and I only wrote in it for one week.”
While a “Type B” lifestyle may send more organized parents into a figurative coma, it works for these moms.
“It’s never going to be perfect in my home because I have kids,” says Ziemer.
What is a ‘Type B’ mom?
“Type B moms are laid-back, relaxed, and have lots of patience — they don’t mind chaos,” Colette Brown, a licensed psychotherapist in New York City, tells TODAY.com.
In personality psychology, there are four personality categories: A, B, C, and D.
- Type A: “Highly-organized people with clean and predictable homes,” says Brown. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), Type A is “characterized by chronic competitiveness, high levels of achievement motivation, impatience and a distorted sense of time urgency.”
- Type B: These people are laidback, not easily frustrated and “typically do not feel the need to prove their superiority or abilities,” according to the APA. Brown adds, “They are emotionally supportive.”
- Type C: “Very cerebral and thoughtful … and emotionally repressed,” says Brown. “They’re very prepared and always have a plan.” Brown says that Type C folks are similar to Type A in that they’re detail-oriented, but they are flexible. “Their kids might not have matching socks but they’re good about meal planning … even if it’s breakfast for dinner,” says Brown.
- Type D: The APA defines “Type D” as a distressed person who is a negative thinker and socially inhibited. But it’s not all bad, Brown says: “Type D is the ‘supporter’— it’s who you absolutely want as your PTA secretary or treasurer. They won’t let anything slide … Type D is cautious and task-oriented.”
Moms are realizing, ‘I need to find what works for me and be OK with it.
Colette Brown, a licensed psychotherapist
Brown says Type B moms are speaking out in response to the Tradwife trend of women extolling 1950s housewife values, and an awareness that social media may not be healthy for children and adults’ self-esteem. Specifically mothers, says Brown, are reacting to seeing their Type A counterparts living the good life on social media.
“There seems to be a backlash against the idea that there is one right way to be a mother,” says Brown. “Moms are realizing, ‘I need to find what works for me and be OK with it.’”
She adds, “Moms are no longer looking to conform but rather, be represented.”
Rachel Sankey is a pregnant stay-at-home mom in Michigan and self-professed Type B mom who won’t follow a routine, make plans ahead of time or even write a grocery list.
“We’re still going to have food on the table,” Sankey tells TODAY.com. In a TikTok video, Sankey jokes, “Dang it, I didn’t cancel that free trial” and “There’s really no point in cleaning this up — she’s just going to eat again in a few hours.”
Sankey says she dislikes the “misconception” that Type B moms are “lazy,” saying they just prioritize differently.
Neither Sankey and Ziemer rush to clean messes.
“I’d rather my kids have fun playing in the mud than watching TV,” says Ziemer.
Which personality type is best to raise kids?
“The magic word is flexibility,” says Brown. “There’s a notion that the ‘Type C’ parent is ideal because they’re a bit of both ‘A’ and ‘B’ … in that they’re organized but also whimsical.”
Brown says kids need structure but also room to stretch.
“In some ways, it can be very comforting for kids when a parent accepts a little mess … children thrive in flexibility,” says Brown.
She adds that labels usually don’t work.
“The harm is when you try to achieve a label instead of the label fitting who you are … and what you already do,” she says. “When a label is something you’re trying to aspire to, you suffer the frustration of missing the mark.”
Stereotypes don’t help kids, either.
“If a ‘Type A’ parent has child who can’t keep up with a certain level of organization, they might struggle,” says Brown, adding, “We don’t often ask, ‘Are the kids able to live under these systems?’”
Type B moms say their personalities contribute to raising stronger kids
“My daughter is so easygoing — she doesn’t cling to me or cry when I drop her off somewhere,” says Sankey.
This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY:
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